Thanx for nothing!!!

Last input was back in Nov 2009!!! And now its 31st May 2010. Quite a lapse, but I guess putting into consideration on how busy I am with work and with life in general, this is not so bad!!!

I didn't put it in words the last time I wrote here but I feel more ready now to put this down.

The one man in my life, the man that I had built a relationship with in the last 5 years had lied to me.

I don't know for how long this has been going on and I couldn't pin-point a time during our relationship to when it happened. But I found out somewhere in mid to late last year that he's married. And I found it out in fb!! Actually I had my doubts earlier about the way our relationship is heading. He hardly made contact and he didn't answer my calls again at night. On one particular incident, I called him and a woman picked it up. Demanding who am I and I told her that I am a friend and just wanted to find out how he's doing. But deep inside I know that's his wife.

He called me the next morning and told me that the one answered my call is his sister. I played along and said "ok I believe you".

To be honest, I found out through my bro in law about his lies and I could confirmed it through how it just revealed itself.

Allah really loves me, cause He really showed me the truth. It hurts like hell and I couldn't believe how vulnerable I am towards this whole thing.

When I confronted him, he denies it. Straight through. Macam dia tak bersalah. And I am so frustrated on how easy he could lie his way through for so long.

After a while, I start to recalled. I did receive an email way back in 2005 or somewhere there about from one of his friends, telling me that he had a friend who is already engaged to be married but has a gf in singapore. He lied to this girl about his status and he's keeping both relationship not giving up on the gf. I didn't think much about it because I thought he's talking/mentioning on someone else. Without realizing that he's actually warning me against KZ. Just how stupid am I not to realize this??

He really hurt me.......he doesn't know how much he hurts me. He's married and has a son now.

I've come to realize on alot of other things too. How he never talked about our future together. He talked about marriage to me but just talked, no action. Each time he called, its just to say hi and to asked me how I'm fairing, never we talked about the future. Infact he called only on days that he's out-station and staying in hotels.

Reflecting back, I see alot of holes in our relationships and in our conversations and his behavior. I just didn't "see" it. I just didn't realize it all these years. Its damn frustrating!!!

I've gotten over him of course. But sometimes his memories came stabbing at me and made me winch. But I am getting by and I am sooooooooo over him now.