Feeling the bluesssssssssss
Birthday blues........yup its the month that I turn 34. Known a number of people borned in the same month though. Its JB & Abg Amin's b'day as well as Kesumawati & Felicia......
JB's falls on the 20th.......but I think none of us called or send him a sms birthday wish at all. And I didn't mention the day to mom either......she might feel sad and old wound might start to bleed if she got reminded by it......so to play safe, I keep quiet.
Its amazing how a small matter like his total lack of respect and sarcasm could last for quite a while. It's all boils down to pride and ego. I know he has LOTS of it. I am just angry at him for not realizing that he has hurt the feelings of the very same people that have help him when he needed help the most. Bukan nak ungkit, but its the truth and so obvious. He didn't know and didn't realize that the more he open his mouth the more harm he did...he just didn't realize and not aware of it.....well hopefully its a lesson learned on his part........someday, right now he still didn't know.
I hate to sit back and reflect on the things that I have done or not done. I am not good at self-reflecting, because I know that I'll indulge in self-pity, which is another thing that I hate to do. Others might think, self-reflections are not abt self-pity but its an opportunity to re-evaluate one's life and to put/place into prespective of the past years. But to me, because of that, my self-pity might get into high gear and I'll start to feel really sad and.........well you know the rest.
All I know is, before I turned 30, I've already hv a good career (I still do, ALHAMDULILAH) and I could afford my own mortage on my own HDB flat......and most of the things in the house are bought both me and my mom. Everything in the kitchen are mom's i.e. the fridge, stove, fans, the oven...... while the rest of the stuffs are mine......its quite an achievement because I was only on my 3rd year working with ESS and already my CPF is enough to cover for the 20% payment to the flat.
I've successfully lived and survive on my own together with my mom. After ayah died its just me and her or rather she is left with only me so I am basically her life-line. She never held a job in her entire life and thus she needs someone to take care of her basics for her. I guess I was adopted into the family for a reason after all. Hanya Tuhan saja yg Maha Mengetahui......He works in a mysterious way......you cannot question it.
JB's falls on the 20th.......but I think none of us called or send him a sms birthday wish at all. And I didn't mention the day to mom either......she might feel sad and old wound might start to bleed if she got reminded by it......so to play safe, I keep quiet.
Its amazing how a small matter like his total lack of respect and sarcasm could last for quite a while. It's all boils down to pride and ego. I know he has LOTS of it. I am just angry at him for not realizing that he has hurt the feelings of the very same people that have help him when he needed help the most. Bukan nak ungkit, but its the truth and so obvious. He didn't know and didn't realize that the more he open his mouth the more harm he did...he just didn't realize and not aware of it.....well hopefully its a lesson learned on his part........someday, right now he still didn't know.
I hate to sit back and reflect on the things that I have done or not done. I am not good at self-reflecting, because I know that I'll indulge in self-pity, which is another thing that I hate to do. Others might think, self-reflections are not abt self-pity but its an opportunity to re-evaluate one's life and to put/place into prespective of the past years. But to me, because of that, my self-pity might get into high gear and I'll start to feel really sad and.........well you know the rest.
All I know is, before I turned 30, I've already hv a good career (I still do, ALHAMDULILAH) and I could afford my own mortage on my own HDB flat......and most of the things in the house are bought both me and my mom. Everything in the kitchen are mom's i.e. the fridge, stove, fans, the oven...... while the rest of the stuffs are mine......its quite an achievement because I was only on my 3rd year working with ESS and already my CPF is enough to cover for the 20% payment to the flat.
I've successfully lived and survive on my own together with my mom. After ayah died its just me and her or rather she is left with only me so I am basically her life-line. She never held a job in her entire life and thus she needs someone to take care of her basics for her. I guess I was adopted into the family for a reason after all. Hanya Tuhan saja yg Maha Mengetahui......He works in a mysterious way......you cannot question it.
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